Friday, March 18, 2011

My kids, gotta love um....

So it seems that I am not hitting this blog as much as I intended to...but here I am again. I find myself, a lot lately, thinking of my babies when they were babies. I am so happy that they are growing into some really great people, but I can say...I do miss my babies. You, know the age, when you could lay them on a blanket on the floor and actually go to the bathroom..that age.
Looking back, I do almost wish we had more...((somebody slap me))! really, knowing now that I just do not think I have the stamina to do it again, I do find myself thinking about more. MORE, that word even looks BIG.

I am so thankful to God for allowing me to be a mother, I recently have been in a time of wondering what I am here for, my gifts, my schooling, my future....and for so long I was feeling so bad and stressed to hurry and find what I am here for...then it dawned on me, I had a bulb moment, since I was a very small child, when someone would ask what I wanted to be I always said a mom and/or a teacher. When it hit me, actually like a smack....The desire of my heart as a young child was to be a mom and that is what I am. I am a mom, that happens to be able to teach, which is another desire I had. So, my lesson that I finally got (hellooooooooo Toni) is that God loved/loves me so much that he gave me the desires of my heart!! All this time, I was looking for something that was right in front of me. Sometimes, our answers are staring right at us. I was unable to see that God had answered my prayers already. Let me tell you that at that very point of "knowing" that my fears of missing my calling were gone! My stress about how far to go to school, what job would I get and how would I get it disappeared. It is not to say that this is it!, that there is not another journey that I will take, that God is leading me. But I do know at this moment in time, I am at peace!

I also know that God is fashioning me into/for something as I write this. The Holy Spirit is loud in me now, I can feel/hear it guiding me, schooling me and getting me ready. It is the most exciting thing I have felt in a long time. Its not the time yet, but the one thing for sure is that it will be in addition to my mom job. Oh, that's not a job it is an adventure. So enjoy, read and learn.